MY TRIP

I have been suspicious of the Food and Drug Administration for a long time:  That organization just can't make up it's own mind.  First, it decides a wonderful drug will help any number of illnesses only to determine a short time later that enough research was not done, and those drugs will indeed hurt people.  (It's true, they did warn us--every time we viewed a drug commercial.)   And then there is this mercury toxicity issue that no one wants to comment on but would rather pass the proverbial buck to the final poor sucker who must add, "We have no further comment on the issue of dental amalgam."

So I decided to go see for myself.  I’ve always wanted to go to Washington D.C. so when my neighbor, Lorraine, recently planned a trip back East I decided to take the invisible me along for the ride.   I knew there would be lots of interesting government buildings to look at so I determined that I would stop in at the FDA and find out exactly how they function.

Lorraine dropped me off at the wide front entrance and I noticed the big sign over the front door:   FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION.   As I entered the lobby, I felt kind of out of place among what seemed to me to be so many careless people milling about with money literally hanging out of their pockets.   I was certainly glad they couldn’t see me!   The lobby was very large and there were plaques hanging on every wall proclaiming the FDA’s outstanding success in the field of drug administration.   I was touched as I read the many testimonials to this work that has so benefitted mankind, so I took the invisible me on a self-guided tour into the nether regions of this spacious edifice.   As I walked around I was amazed at the number of offices with variations of FDA written on them. Each door had some kind of sign explaining its particular area of expertise:

FIRST DRUG ADMINISTRATION: BEFORE NUTRITION (Full of energetic workers.) 

FANCY DRUG ADMINISTRATION: FOR THOSE WHO CAN AFFORD THEM (Printed on an ornate gold-plated plaque.)

FAST DRUG ADMINISTRATION: LIMITED MARKET TIME (The staff was moving at lightning speed!)

FIXER DRUG ADMINISTRATION: KEEP THEM COMING BACK. (These were the happiest people I’ve ever seen.)

FLIMSY DRUG ADMINISTRATION: RECALL DIVISION (Couldn’t get in the door. The line was too long.)

FRIENDLY DRUG ADMINISTRATION: (This office was kind of empty. Most of the workers must have been on lunch break. Some were sitting around a table playing cards. I could barely make it out but one guy’s name tag said DOW, one said Johnson and Johnson and another said Monsanto. They must be on break from other offices.

FRIGHTENING DRUG ADMINISTRATION: USE ONLY AS PRESCRIBED (This staff must have been having a Halloween party because they were all dressed in costumes.) 

FORMER DRUG ADMINISTRATION: PRODUCT SAFETY. (I peeked through a mass of cobwebs to see a dark, empty room hidden way in the back of the building.) 

FAULTLESS DRUG ADMINISTRATION: WE DIDN’T DO IT (Down another dark corridor was large room which was kind of puzzling because on every wall was almost a memorial-type list of names...eerie.  I had known so many of them--some in my own family.)

Finally, the last room in my self-guided tour had a large revolving door that led to what looked like some kind of agricultural facility labeled: FUTURE PHARMAS OF AMERICA. It was hard to see because the Monsanto building was blocking the view. I noticed several more of these revolving doors out to other large buildings, but I just couldn’t get to all of them or I would miss my ride. However, I was so glad that I came. 

As I left the building and turned to admire the wonderful complex, for some reason I was reminded of those beautiful whited sepulchres that I had read about somewhere.